To a Latecomer

You’re late

Too late when your stepped in

Stepped in and messed up my life

My life was a clean page before you

Before you 

I woke up at six

And I knew how to fix

Everything, from a washing machine to a white sauce Alfredo

Before you

I slept at nine

And dreamed of running through mazes behind closed doors

I was white

An angelic child in a field of ripe corn

A brightly painted swing in the sun

A blush-cheeked lass with a shepherd’s horn

Mary and her little lamb

Before you

I was them all

Even spring has an expiry date

Just as you were mine

Your madness spread

Like inky clouds

Across my sunny clime

You touched me with your siren voice

Made me love, then made me cry

Made me seek, then did deny

Made me live, then left me to die

Made me black! I, who was white

O west wind, tempestuous one

Leaf I was first, then stinging rain

And finally as lightning I came

Turned to ashes what I touched

In love, in hate, in guilt, in pain

I was never the same again

After you 

I was never the same again

A Letter to My Dear Friend

Dear friend

I’ll wear a smile

When I see you today

I’ll hold your hand

And give that tight all-knowing squeeze

I’ll tell you how much I have always loved

The sound of your tinkling laugh

And I will tell you ere you leave

That you mean the world to me

But I’ll not say how much it hurts

To see you smile at me

To hear you share with giggling smiles

Your evening at the beach

Your latest spree at H&Ms

Your spats with your boss

Your third cousin’s second child

Your fourth’s major loss

And then you’ll tell me how he said

All those words he once told me

How special he made you feel

With his silly jealousy

You’ll tell me how he called you

At midnight, with his tears

And how he spoke till the wake of dawn

And told you all his fears

And you told him yours, I know

It’s your strength, my dearest friend

How easily you take our fears away...

...amazes me no end

And by and by as you became

The rock that he leans on

I receded like the weeds

That with the falling tide are gone

I was once that rock he swore

He couldn’t do without

I was once the reason why

He slept without self doubt

Or so he said. But that was once

A very long time ago

Today he calls you the reason for

Bringing him safe ashore

Today he calls you when you laugh

With friends he won’t let you have

Because he wants you all for him

And your love he will not share

Today you’re telling me I shouldn’t

Tell him you spoke to me

Coz he’d be hurt and he’d be sore

To have you speaking to strangers, you see...

Dear friend how easily tables have turned

And how easily you’ve forgot

It was me he chided for sharing things

With strangers, or those he thought

But T’was you I’d shared my deepest with

It was you my confidante

It was your name that had sounded strange

The exclusivity was mine

Today you’re me and I am you

For the tables have turned with time

But those were times and like you say

They belong to a different world

One where the butterfly

Keeps her wings unfurled

One where the giver gets

And doesn’t a beggar be

Where souls entwine and make a whole

Not a Venn diagram of “you” and “me”

My dear friend your all-knowing heart

Has found me a new universe!

Where in this place I fight for space

‘Mongst those who’d call me a curse

You’ve found me an entire world of my own!

Where my impossible dreams can be

A world where I can fly so high

Where a stage is set for me

For me! Oh my. I wouldn’t know

What to do with such ecstasy

The sheer joy of loving deep

And loved in return to be!

I guess I must have missed that bus

Coz I’m stuck here for eternity.

Oh lovely friend today you’re mine

And today you’re also his

And today we all must laugh and smile

(That’s another memo I think I missed)

For today is gone in the blink of an eye

And such a short today it is

So today I swear, I will not cry

Coz you’ll hurt to see me like this

So when we meet I’ll love you sweet

And with your love I shall heal

And when we meet I shall deny

This emptiness I feel

My dear friend, you weren’t meant

To be my scourge and salve

It’s Fate that played this cruel game

You aren’t to blame at all

I know you have the deepest love

I know you love me true

So today I’ll play Fortune’s fool

And smile and laugh with you.

The Artist Diaries

Resignation

never mind.
but hey, did you sleep last night?
or did demons keep you
awake, adrift
tossing and thrasing
like a splintered skiff
at large on an ominous sea?

I was so
and though i knew
you were awake, i knew
you were paralyzed

so when you sleep tonight
know that the storm
knows no end
and the rocks just come out of no certain where
and fear grips your wind pipe
like an old man grips his cane
chasing wretched mongrels that hound his heels
as he totters down a forgotten lane

know that fear
tastes perchance like marmalade
bitter and sweet at once
and when you bite back the rising bile
a hundredth time
you may not hate it anymore
you may secretly not hate it at all
you may, deep inside, perhaps...
perhaps...

but then, who knows?
I knew once
a man who was a lost cause
a woman who gathered no moss
but what do I know anymore?
what does anyone know anymore?
so
never mind.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Disenchantment

Hope is a vile thing
Takes us away into crazy places
Alternate universes and other lives
Loaves of bread and bread in slices
Shores where we go to crash and die

The artist is a hopeless man
He sits still and knows
That all that scribble
All the outpouring of his woes
Are but the stains under her eyes
Under his eyes
All the fine lines on his page
Are but the fine lines on his face...

Think about me kindly
But don't linger there
Memory is a strumpet's child
You'll try really hard
I have no doubt, I do believe
But look
Its a new morning now
And that angelic, delicious hope
Blows yesterdays' memories of you and I
Into smoke
Wisps
Coffee on a rainy day
See me in the dregs
For that's where I shall lie
That's where I shall lie.

11.3.2019

Who Do You Love

[originally published 25.7.2008]

Who do you love?

Not God, who with perjury threatens,
And scrutinizes your sins 'neath a diamond-cutter's lens.
Certainly not God! That grumpy old man,
Doling stale pumpkin juice in a budweiser can,
And laughing as we chortle and gag...

Not mom, not dad, who, when their youth is done,
Look for wrinkles and white hairs on their daughter and son.
Condemn his friends, condemn her phone
And girlfriends, movies, and short skirts bemoan,
And their own orgies and tantrums forget,
And memories of youth in dungeons closet.

Not that girl you lov'd with her plumped up lips,
Batting her eyelashes over pizzas and chips,
Holding your hands in movie halls,
Kissing you on tiptoes when twilight falls,
Sighing and moaning in passion and pain,
Swearing eternal love by slicing her vein,
And penning 32-page letters to you, did she?

And then, one day, she packs and leaves,
All those movies and chips are done, she leaves,
And all those holding of hands, and letters, she says,
Are just silly things of our yesterdays,
Best to forget and our paths divide,
You be happy in your life, and I'll be in mine,
And then, Miss. Plumpy-Lips is gone.

(to be contd)

Words, You Say

[originally published on 16.7.2008]

'Some there be that shadows kiss;
Such have but a shadow's bliss:'
(Shakespeare, William. The Merchant of Venice, Act II, Scene IX)

When I read words that tell a tale
I'm not looking for truth
I'm not looking to see a sanity that for me would be the essence of you
I'm not looking to see a mirror to my griefs and sorrows
or maybe I am, but what of that?
I'm not looking to learn of your griefs and sorrows
or maybe I am, and that is that
I'm not looking for a saint, for stupid I'm not
A saint is the farthest thing from reality sought
I'm not looking a sinner to declare
I'm not looking neither to advocate nor condemn
I'm not looking for an epic fare
Of your love's labors lost, or your paradises won


I read of my volition and write of my thoughts
Like yours, they are my own begot
When words seek crutches in time and space
Then true feelings have but numbered days
For when the special hours and starlit skies are gone
Then the words breed lies, and in the dark, turn
Against those that we loved and of whom we wrote
Cruel, festering, cruel lies


And there are no explanations to give or ask
For, if you feel I'm asking for one
It's probably coz the words are already running out of space and time
Even while you write
And even while I read
And even while I think is it you or me that's kissing shadows...